Why Haven't You Been Writing?

There's nothing to write about when you don't feel anything.
I could write about the shower water burning my skin or
The stabbing pain in my abdomen once a month or
The headaches from working at a fast food restaurant or
How nice it felt when someone wanted to hold my hand but
The anger from December,
Loneliness of January,
Discomfort in February,
Betrayal from March,
Fake smiles in April,
Bitterness of May,
Shock in June,
and Force of July all stopped
Once August came around
and September passed.
There was only the shower, cramps, and comfortable view.
So instead of waiting for a feeling,
I called you.

~ Lia Rose 12/01/15

Kiss Kiss This

I'm throwing up the red light
Don't you see we're not tight
I cannot stand the face you show
Haven't I already told you to go
Leave me the fuck alone
Go ride your baby bike home
Stop ruining my life again
Gotta get it all down in pen
Before you go let me say one thing
I made room for someone else to put on that diamond ring.

Kiss kiss this
All I'm telling you is to kiss kiss this
'Cause babe you're running but it's in a circle
Don't you know that you can't keep coming back
So just one more thing before you go
Kiss kiss this.

I've never really cared for your old fat cat
Or the way you'd talk about your new tat
I don't give a crap about your time
Or the anything after I called you mine
Because you never went outside the box
I just sit watching the hand on the clocks

So kiss kiss this
All I'm telling you is to kiss kiss this
'Cause babe you're running but it's in a circle
Don't you know that you can't keep coming back
So just one more thing before you go
Kiss kiss this.

Back then I would have asked you
Do you believe in soul mates
Because if anything I do
And if anytime right now
And if anyone it's you

But now I'm telling you to
Kiss kiss this
All I'm telling you is to kiss kiss this
'Cause babe you're running but it's in a circle
Don't you know that you can't keep coming back
So just one more thing before you go
Kiss kiss this.
:-*

How You Know

You may not care what others think,
But you sure as hell care what he thinks.
You can never look at him
Without thinking "he is so beautiful".
You always look back on what you did wrong
And what he did right.
You have a guilty pleasure
Of seeing him in your dreams.
You can't breathe when you think of him
Not wanting you.
You think about him all the time
Because so many things remind you of him.
You think you're over him,
But you know you never will be.
You accept all of his flaws
Easily.
You only cry you heart out
When it's over him.
Your heart soars every single time he talks to you,
Even if it's not a positive conversation.
You never worried about his loyalty
Because you trust him a little too much.

Once and Once Again

He is the director of the game.
Personal instructions come with ease and obedience.
But the group conversation feels uncomfortable.

He arrives and I accept it with grace.
But I realize he's not supposed to be here.
This is my time.
To make this my time, I move on and avoid.
But someone slams me to the ground.
I'm hurt and upset.
He takes my hand.
I accept his offer and feel comfortable once again.

She

She is lost.
Because of some not-so-stupid boy.
That's not how it's supposed to be.
She's supposed to be smiling for the hurting.
She doesn't accept this face.

She is blinded with love and doesn't know where to start.
There is just this empty, bottomless pit in her heart.
She can't help but hates the pain she ensures herself.
She wishes she had the power to just put it all on the shelf.
The weakness and heart ache that comes along with this game.
It's just not fun anymore, it's just not the same.
This room stinks of memories and happiness there was at a time.
But she doesn't speak of that time, nor of when he used the word "mine".

When she told you she'd never stop loving you, she didn't know how much that would hurt.
She thought that would be a beautiful, blissful feeling.
But she wishes it worked where the second you stopped loving her, she would just stop, too.
Instead of this constant pain and reminder that it could never happen.
Solely because you don't love her enough to try.


~ Lia Rose 5/13/13 - 5/19/13

The Abyss

You only know empathy once you've been through the wreck.
Jingles along the dock smile because they know.
They're laughing at your pain because you have caused it on someone else before.
That person was scarred, scared, and lonely, while you're feeling sorry for yourself because now you have to endure the pain.
That's not fair.
This is the abyss, the young and the weak.
People go on because they don't understand the falling.
But they lay at home slowly decaying.
Stop the second you start, but open yourself up.
There is no right answer to the conflict of wishing.
There is no correct assignment of the truth.
The baffling action followed by the wavering cry.
Why does life listen to your fears?
Piling up, all at once the attack is made.
Hoping and fearing the unknown.
Coughing up the hate that builds is healing but not real.
It comes from the soul, the glimmering bit of excitement.
Bathing in the glory of tonight, none of this is right.
Everything about this is so right.
Just don't forget the meaning of the true dream.
The tactful goodbye will never be the end.

~ Lia Rose 5/8/13

The Happy One

So thoughtful was the spirit of the being.
So joyful was the day it all became this.
So painful was the pounding of the drum.
So hateful was the mind of the young one.
So graceful was the placement of the words.
So tame was the fire that burned inside.
So determined was the rain that fell on us.
So fearful was the bear that melted my heart.
So bright was the future of the song.
So scornful was the man who ate his bread.
So shriveled was the body that ached to be loved.

Just another day of complaints that all mean the same.
You'll never be the happy one if what you have
Is less important than what you don't.